self-assessment

When I was promoting my "Let's Get Stuff Done" Con, one of my friends took my promo copy and forwarded it to a couple of local lists.  Apparently drama ensued as some of the people balked at the notion of developing "leaders" within polyamory groups, or within the movement at large.  On another list that I'm involved with, a similar story unfolded where someone who was a role model within her own community shunned the label of "leader". I'm interested in knowing why that is, especially since I strongly believe that poly people need to have community leaders if we're going to take our "movement" to the next level. This led me to start writing down my thoughts on how changing the status quo would benefit poly people as a whole, even though most poly people choose not to participate. I also started thinking about the current organizing efforts, and why progression towards our goals as a movement have been so damn slow. P.S.: If you are easily offended by anything that challenges or criticizes the status-quo, please come back around August 30th. At that time, I will post the finale of this series, which outlines recommended steps on how to be a better leader. Additional Disclaimer: This series is the result of conversations that I've had with fellow poly leaders, mixed with my own thoughts, experiences, and observations. While it seems that a lot of us have similar experiences and thoughts, these writings do not represent the beliefs of poly leaders as a whole.  These writings are not meant to target specific individuals or organizations, but instead show how "the system" is defunct and needs a lot of TLC and fixing.

I wanted to take a moment to give everyone a heads up on the coolness that happened during the "Get Stuff Done" Conference that I held online last weekend. Sadly, I wasn't able to do lessons on both days as I originally planned.  I was called away on business and had to fly out on Sunday afternoon, leaving only Saturday for classes.  Here's the lessons that I presented: Leadership 101 (How to Fake Being A Well-Rounded Person):  The attendees learned the importance of self-knowle

Recently, Miss Polyamory interviewed Samatha Fraser, the author of the blog (and hopefully upcoming book): Not Your Mother's Playground. You can listen to the interview podcast here. Not Your Mother's Playground is Samantha's diary about open relationships.

Two things prompted this post. The first was a conversation that I had a few weeks ago with one of my friends in the local poly community.  (I use the term 'conversation' loosely because, technically, it was us ranting loudly over the loud music in a dance club)  My friend mentioned the website for the (now cancelled) Chicago Polyamory Conference and asked me about "the guy that was dressed like Dumbledore" who was one of the featured speakers.   I almost fell over in shock at the assessment that he gave of Oberon Zell Ravenheart, who is one of many individuals who influenced the polyamory movement.  This led to further commentary on image/perception. The second was the review that I received from The Philosophy of Non-Monogamy.

Young Metro and Poly I am all of these things. Yep. That is me; I could be one of the racially vague stock-photo models smiling away at the top of the page. So why does it bother me?

A) I don’t like exclusion, and age exclusion seems like the silliest kind because everyone gets old.

B) I don’t WANT the image of our community to be clean cut, good looking, young people. I want us to look like the real people we are. Which means some of us are fat, some of us have tattoos on our necks, and some of us have gray hair in ponytails

I hate this corporate fed image of what we should be. I’m not saying the person who runs this site buys into this image, but she is sure putting it up there.

This led me to think about the role of target marketing in the context of outreach for polyamory.  There are some that may find what I'm about to write rather controversial. Others may simply nod and say 'that makes sense'. I'm looking for your feedback one way or another here (comment, email me, or use my contact form).

[caption id="attachment_30" align="alignright" width="250" caption="By Konrad Mostert @ stock.XCHNG"][/caption] In yesterday's post, I wrote about the different types of intimacy that can occur in a relationship (friendship, fwb, dating, etc.) While most types of intimacy are tied to an action or thing (intellectual, physical, and sexual), what builds emotional intimacy is a bit harder to pin down.  The reason for this is that it's tied to what a person needs in order to feel loved and cherished, and that varies based upon the individual. Fortunately, we don't have to reinvent the wheel.  An author and relationship counsellor, Gary Chapman, wrote a book on something he called the Five Love Languages, which are five elements that people use to deepen emotional intimacy. Rather than simply go over these 5 love languages, I am going to add a twist - I will show you where my husband (Corey), my boyfriend (Dale), and I rate in each category, along with how I feel on each of these.