Open Relationship Series: Prelude to advanced materials

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."   ~ Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride I wanted to take some time to explain why I used a particular definition for "open relationship".   I'm guessing that it may be different than what most of you think of when you hear that term. As I wrote some time ago, there are different levels of intimacy that can occur between two people: intellectual, emotional, physical, and sexual.  When we hear "open relationship" nowadays, we assume that a couple has an agreement where one or both partners is able to pursue additional romantic and/or sexual partners.   This arrangement allows people to fulfill their need for additional partners for physical and sexual intimacy.  I feel that this definition is incomplete because it does not take into account a person's potential need to become close to someone thorough a shared interest.  Intellectual intimacy with others is just as important as its physical counterpart. Through connecting with other people on an intellectual and ideological level, we allow ourselves to grow either through the exchange of knowledge (or experiences) and the examination of our own beliefs. Potential drama can occur if a person is already a member of an established couple (in a relationship) and if their activity partner is of their gender of preference.  The non-participating, romantic partner may view the individual outside of the established relationship as a threat.  This may be due to the non-participating partner's own insecurities (seeing their disinterest in the hobby/activity as them being inadequate), as well as a possible fear of loss (their partner leaving them for the other person).  Rather than face these concerns, some couples choose (consciously or unconsciously) to avoid activity partners that could cause their companion to become jealous.  There are some cases where this can work.  However, this plan becomes challenging if you have interests (or a career) that fall outside of  traditionally defined gender roles.  As an example - it's really hard for me to find fellow women that are interested in finance or entrepreneurship, but I have no problem finding a plethora of men that share an interest in either. XD This is why I feel that it's important for couples to recognize the possibility of openness either on an intellectual or social level, even if they remain closed/monogamous on a sexual level.  There are some that feel that broadening the definition of "open" is unnecessary because the stuff I mentioned is what they consider to be not only a part of a "healthy" relationship, but common sense.   If it's so common sense, why are there all these websites and books about emotional/intellectual infidelity?